A Stream of Consciousness...

A Life Less Ordinary...

An Open stream of consciousness, the very idea of living, breathing, Existing.
Life for me right now is the moments, events, etc, and everything that happens in between.
Basically, the school-week is the in-between, and the weekends are the events, aka my social life...

Now i'm certainly not complaining, I guess i'm just fed up with the repetitive routine. Either that, or I need to lighten up. I get in my dark moods every now and again... and i believe right now i am in the midst of a dark time in the land of emotions. But that isnt something that completly captivates me. For example, I'll be in a very hard working mood during my classes, and i often find myself coming out of class feeling very ambitious, which is why i wish i was granted a study hall after every class i take, because i would get so much more quality work done...

I guess right now I am viewing the world from a very pessimistic point of view, everything sucks, everything is futile, meaningless, and bleak. I dont know why though. I'm not despairing. I dont feel depressed. I just dont feel anything really. More so a strong numbness, with brief moments of relapse which occur quite often. A very possible cause could be that I am at the "beginning of the end" of my teenage years, or high school. I'm back on my feet again from past events, and I've gotten a good kickstart, but i think i'm expecting a full-out explosion that will launch me sky-high. What I probobly dont realize is that life dosent work that way. This "explosion" will happen over time, and these little "kick-starts" are all of the events in my life, and the "inbetweens" are nothing but time left to me, and it's my choice as to what i do with that time.

I hope i solved my problems in this little free-write here.... sorry if this entry was a bit confusing, but then again, i dont really care if it was.... no offense....

After 3 months of being a senior in high school, I have come to the conclusion that i am at an almost complete standstill academically. I am not really learning anything that i dont already know. (the only exception to this is psychology) I guess at this paticular point right now i am just "living", if that makes sense. In other words, i better get "darn" good grades. But i mean, it just seems so pointless, i want to learn something new that i can apply to in the real world. And i blame myself for this. I should have enrolled in tougher courses, like an AP LIT course or something, but no, i had to take an easy blowoff Contemporary Fiction class. The only good thing that i will take from that course is the amazing writing of Ernest Hemmingway. So I GUESS in a way, i am learning something new through Hemmingway's messages, but even his messages are one's i've lived through in life and it's more of a reminder.

I mean, i may be learning nothing new in school, but i am discovering other great things in music and friends through experiences in my daily life. For example, last saturday, i played the best show i have ever played with a band. The energy, the music, the feeling of companionship that i have not felt with a group of musicians in over a year, and the friendship. It was a true defining moment for me. When i was up on that stage, i wasnt playing for anyone, i was only playing for me. I stopped worrying about what my ex-bandmates would think of me, and i let finaly let go.

And i guess in one world i'm free and in the other i'm not....

Good show

Wow. Tonight was amazing. I played central Stage with The Experience, and it went great. I have never felt so good playing with a band untill tonight. Everything was perfect, from beginning to end. I got into the music. I didn't freeze up. I expressed myself. It felt great.
But now i have A LOT to do for tomorrow, Most of the psych project and the cause + effect paper. Yikes. Stress is going to hit me so hard tomorrow, it's not even a laughing matter. Other than that, I'm going.

Central Stage

So Saturday is Central Stage. I will be performing Saturday, with my new band, The Experience. The show starts at 7 PM. I hope to see as many of you possible there.
With that said, I'm going to bed... I will post more later...

good night

Darth Vader LIVES!!!!

NOTE: This is completly ficticious, i used this for my essay writing class..

In Los Angeles, CA, on a sunny afternoon, several reports of Darth Vader sightings were reported. According to several eye witnesses, the classic Star Wars character was wandering the streets, attacking cars and many other assorted objects with his infamous red light- saber. It was also reported that he was moving large objects with his “magic hand”, by defying the laws of gravity. When several reporters and witnesses (who had the courage to confront him) asked if he was the real thing, or if he was actor David Prowse, just re-living the glory days of playing Darth, he simply stared at them until they were knocked away by his gravity-defying forces. After a full two hours of reported light saber attacks on “Anything that looked like Luke Skywalker” or the Millennium Falcon, he was caught by the LA SWAT team, after retreating to the Hard Rock Café, atop the giant electric guitar. It didn’t end so easily, however. Many SWAT team cars, and “Millennium Falcon – like Objects” were either toppled or destroyed. Eventually the CIA forces of the government had to step in, bringing in large planes and fighter jets to take out the great leader of the Dark Side. This is the main reason that you won’t hear about this on CNN or any other news/media circuit because the CIA specifically told us NOT to let anyone know, since we were the only reporters of any media outlet at the scene. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, although Darth insisted later on in custody that he hurt Luke Skywalker. Whatever you say Darth Vader, whatever you say.

Oh, The Great Weekend...

This weekend was a crazy one, It basically consisted of me catching up on A LOT of sleep, working like crazy at the resteraunt, and going to homecoming. Today, I ended it by typing up my fake National Enquier Article, practicing for Central Stage with Matt, Chris, Mike, Sarah, and Megan. I played bass, and my fingers hurt greatly, but I'm uber exited. After I got home from practice, I finished my UIC and NIU applications. Now all I have to do is turn in the envolopes to my counsler tomorrow morning. Sweet!

Let's backtrack though... This week has been almost paralyzing for me... It left me so stressed out and busy that I was completly drained creativly (writing wise and musically) and resulted in me getting into some of the worst moods I have ever been in. Not good. I hate when that happens.

This weekend was homecoming, it was alright... I realized that you really have to be "in the mood" for dancing, or you need a date, otherwise school dances are not that fun. That's the conclusion that i have come to about that...

Practice with Matt and CO. was a blast, it was really fun jamming with all my friends and such, i strongly reccombmend it... And as Matt was driving me home, we both decided that we really wanted to do an unplugged version of the Pixies song "Gigantic" for central stage... and it's a really easy song.... and a great one at that...

I'm also trying out for Central Stage with my long-time musical companion, Connor Rice, with our new band, The Experience. I'm exited about that the most of anything, because that is where i'm currently putting everything musically (besides my own music) into creativly. And i am really looking foward to that try-out.

Speaking of Music, I am currently listning to The Album Leaf's One Day I'll Be On Time, which is one of their first albums, and I really enjoy it... I can already tell that this is a CD I'll be listning to for a long time, it's that good...