College Entrance Exam

Dear College of John's Choice,
First off, let's get things straight. When admitted, John will not, absolutly NOT be forced to leave his dormatory for meals. In fact, John would prefer to have his meals served to him AT LEAST four times a day, and that dosent count the countless snacks that he will want, god forbid he becomes hungry inbetween meals. Every single morning, John will be served exactly FOUR scrambled eggs, welly cooked, with 3 slices of bacon, medium to well done, and most importantly, the toast. John has a zero tolerance for anyone screwing up his toast. When you serve John his toast, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT look at John. He is very sensitve about the way people serve him toast, and it has been known for John to seek clinical help for these matters. John has specifically told me that he wants his toast exactly toasted enough to be brown. If you over cook John's toast, you might as well come clean and tell him, because he will already know if you have messed up. That goes for all of John's Meals. The more he tells me, the more I will write you.

Sincerely,

The Staff Eternally Intebted to John Berry.

P.S. - Upon the arrival of John's acceptance letter, he has given me specific instructions to decorate his letter with crayons, speically green colored crayons. After you decorate his acceptance letter with Green Crayons, John would really be pleased if you would spread sparkled paper over, to make it look nice and pretty. Thank You, and Farewell.